


Handlers Don't Have Personal Lives

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-03 06:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2842079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SHIELD seems to think that Coulson sleeps beneath his office desk and only speaks in official terminology. He couldn't possibly be human. Or dating Bucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Handlers Don't Have Personal Lives

“That one’s a scam. Steve didn’t have that uniform until a year later,” Bucky said, plopping down beside Phil on the couch in his office.

Phil looked up from his tablet, a vaguely startled expression on his face. “Oh.”

“Here, gimme.” Bucky held out his left hand and Phil passed it over bemusedly. Bucky held the tablet gingerly with his metal hand and swiped at the screen for a few moments. “So, why do you need another set?”

“For my nephew.”

“Ah.” Bucky glanced up for a moment and cleared his throat. “Right. Well, uh, here. I found some legitimate ones for you. Kid doesn’t know what he’s got so the price is really low. I’m sure you’ll insist on paying a reasonable amount for them, but that will still be a lot less than you’d have to pay on one of the official trading sites.”

“Thank you, James.”

“You’re welcome.”

Outside in the hall, Sitwell gaped through Phil’s open office door. He tugged on Agent Hill’s sleeve as she passed by.

 _“Are you seeing this!?”_ he hissed.

\--

“Tony, for god’s sake would you _please_ sit down? Phil is going to be here any minute.” Tony, who had been standing on the kitchen counter rhapsodizing about his latest robot, dropped down to the floor and padded out the door like a kicked puppy.

“Tony?” Pepper set down her coffee and clicked after him. “I swear to god, one of these days…”

The elevator slid open and Phil stepped into the common room carrying two Starbucks cups and a manila folder under one arm. He set one cup down wordlessly in front of a sleepy looking Bucky before sitting down at the head of the table and starting the briefing.

Natasha slid her eyes over to Clint, who returned her startled gaze with a sleepy shrug.

Bucky sipped his coffee gratefully.

\--

“JARVIS?”

“Yes, Ms. Potts?”

“Have you noticed anything unusual about Phil and Bucky in the last couple weeks?”

“No, Ms. Potts. Their behavior is unchanged.”

“Huh.”

\--

Tony rapped his knuckles on Coulson’s office door as he opened it. “Coulson, we need to talk – oh. Hey there, Barnes.”

Bucky was sprawled across Phil’s couch, book in hand. Phil was at his desk, immersed in paperwork. He looked up at the intrusion. “What do you need?”

Tony glanced over at Bucky curiously but forged on with his line of questioning. When he left the office ten minutes later (with the necessary forms to properly infiltrate the weapons development department), he stopped outside the door and mentally shook himself.

What the fuck was that?

\--

“Steve, I think something’s going on with Phil and Bucky.”

Steve swiveled in his chair and looked up at a stony-faced Clint Barton. “Well, yeah. Of course there is.”

At Clint’s blank look, he attempted to clarify. “They haven’t exactly been hiding it. And it isn’t their fault that none of you noticed until a week ago.”

Clint backed out of the room wide-eyed, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he went. Natasha was going to piss herself.

\--

Pepper, Clint, and Natasha were all standing in the tower’s security room staring at archived images of Phil and Bucky doing everything from holding hands in the elevator to making out in an empty office.

“JARVIS, how do you explain this? You told me nothing had changed with them.”

The apologetic voice came floating down from the ceiling. “Ms. Potts, you asked me if their behavior had changed in the past few weeks. It is true that their activities were unchanged in that time period - they have been conducting themselves this way for the past seven months, when their relationship commenced.”

She sat back on her heels. Well, would you look at that.

\--

Tony plopped down in the chair next to Bucky, for once early to the briefing. “I learned something interesting this morning.”

Bucky looked over at him blandly. “And what’s that?”

“You’re dating Phil Coulson.”

Bucky’s gaze flitted to the front of the room, where Phil was shuffling folders around and muttering under his breath. “No I’m not.”

Tony had prepared for this, and he pulled a screenshot up on his phone – one from the security cameras in the elevator. He set it down on the table in front of Bucky with a haughty sniff of success.

Bucky didn’t even spare it a glance. “No,” he said, “I’m not denying that I’m in a relationship with Phil. We just aren’t _dating_.”

Tony’s brows wrinkled in confusion.

“We’re married, Tony.”

Tony’s eyes bulged, and he looked around the table helplessly. But no one else had been paying them any attention. “You’re what?!” he finally squeaked out.

“Married. We’re married. For such a smart guy, you can really be oblivious sometimes.”

“You can’t possibly be married. I’d have known.”

Sighing, Bucky pulled out his SHIELD identification card (which, honestly, was probably the biggest security risk ever and he had no idea why they had them) and slid it over to Tony.

And there, in undeniable embossed black ink, was his name: **James Coulson.**


End file.
